The Adventures of Yapman: The Hospital...

After four months on Yap, it has finally happened. My body finally gave in to the relentless swarm of unknown pathogens and viruses that swirl around me in this tropical environment that between a mixture of high humidity and intense heat creates a perfect breeding ground for all of the organisms I experienced in Microbiology… except this time, they decided to infest my body rather than stay nice and calm, cool, and collected in the petri dish under the microscope. Unfortunately, I could not simply sterilize my body like my inoculation loop (that was the super fancy word we used that meant putting a metal wire bent into a circle into a Bunsen burner flame to clean it.. in other words: burning all of the bad germs to death)… so I made my first daring adventure to the …..(dramatic pause) ….. Yap State Memorial Hospital.

Now, I had heard some horror stories about the hospital here on Yap… the type of stories that you tell around a camp fire when you are 10 years old and even though they are utterly ridiculous, you still end up squeezing 8 people into a 2-person tent and you refuse to go to the bathroom in the woods by yourself. These terrifying stories of the apparent torture that occurs at the hospital had me keep my distance through a few painful episodes. I have now made it through two nights that had me waking up in a cold sweat with unbearable stomach cramps that allows me to spend the rest of the evening getting incredibly well acquainted with the bowl of our toilet – we had some pleasant “conversations” from both ends. Yes, I just said what you think I said… it is my blog… it was my odd food poisoning or some other bizarre stomach bug, and I choose to present it here.

Anyway, back to my main story… I despise having to go to the hospital, some innate superhero-complex that I can fight whatever it is inside me and I don’t need any help (once led me to crawling around on the floor of my office at Camp Minsi with a 103 degree fever during staff week because I refused to stop working and get checked out… thanks Bubba for carrying me to emergency room for my meds J). But, alas, I was discovering that the multiple slashes, gashes, scrapes and bruises I had accumulated on my legs from volleyball and casual machete-ing (I need to find out the gerund form of machete.. or invent it) were beginning to turn an odd whitish-red color and smelled that oh so indescribable smell that can only mean one thing: infection. I sucked up my pride and went to the hospital where I made the initial conclusion that it was not nearly as dirty or terrifying as the stories had made it seem. I checked in, waited about 30 minutes to process my new patient paperwork – which by the way includes no insurance whatsoever… here on Yap, all medical expenses other than prescriptions are covered by the government. The very kind nurse, Noah, took me in to see the doctor, who told me that infections are incredibly common in this type of environment and that they had plenty of the medication I would need in stock. She filled out my prescription, I asked if they could give my wounds a thorough cleaning, which Noah did so perfectly. This also allowed me the time to learn oodles of information about the Yap medical care system and where the doctor and nurse got their education and training.

I left the hospital singing to myself after picking up my meds for the low cost of $7. It turned out to be a fantastic adventure as I met a few wonderful new people on Yap as well as saved my legs from the villain that took the form of some staphylococcal bacteria.

Tune in next time as Yapman will live to fight another day. Same Yap time. Same Yap channel.