Back in Scranton, the Search retreat is taking place at Chapman Lake. This entire week, I struggled with being away from the unbelievable support system of hugs, laughter, and tears that always come with this weekend. Search brought me together with some of my best friends... life long friends that I could not imagine my life without. As Andrew Kelly and I put it: we will be at each other's weddings. A large portion of my greatest friendships, memories, and challenges came through retreats at Chapman Lake. From FIRST, to Search and so many others - I would not be where I am today... I would not be who I am today without those indescribable weekends at the lake house.
Search weekends have always been a source of rejuvenation for me. They remind me to remember what is truly important in life. They remind me to not just talk about changing the world, but to fully live each day making a difference, making people smile, living the way we were meant to live. Loving the way we were meant to love.
Sometimes, when the Search retreatants return to campus, they are so enveloped in the powerful emotions and connections of the weekend that those who did not go on the retreat develop a negative feeling towards the retreat, seeing it as "cultish" or cliquey. Unfortunately, this is a side effect of having a spiritually ground breaking weekend and experiencing whirlwind of emotions and transformation with others - there will be an inevitable bond that you will want to just embrace... and then you will literally want to run around embracing everyone who you shared the experience with and sing your songs, and do your secret high fives, and laugh and be joyous and merry. But one thing I have always focused on during Search weekend was to make sure that the love, the support, the results of the retreat were being spread to everyone. Search is not about becoming best friends with the 50 people at the lake house that weekend, yes, it may happen, but that is not the main result. The true meaning, the undying truth, the undeniable secret of Search is that we are loved... all of us. And we are called to bask in that love, to realize just how special we are... and then we begin to recognize just how much we love everyone else in our lives - we see how special they are... we genuinely appreciate their presence in our lives. We learn to love like Jesus... to love like there are no limits... to give pure, beautiful, passionate agape.
At first, I felt like I was going to dread this weekend. I would become one of the outsiders looking in at this Search clique that was having the time of their lives together and I wasn't invited. Then I realized just how ridiculous this feeling of jealousy was... I had forgotten the true meaning of Search. I had forgotten that it was not about the physical presence of being there... it is about the love... it is about that indescribable, uncontrollable, unbelievable sense of appreciation for the goodness in each and every person. No, I may not be there to hug, to cry, to sing, to dance, to talk, to celebrate, to do any other bizarre things that may occur this weekend in or out of the retreat.... but these are just results of agape... results of God's friendship in my life. I now have new, unique results of agape in my life here on Yap - I have been able to write a whole slew of letters to my family at the Community Outreach Office, I was able to have some fantastic talks with my siblings, I was able to have a bro chat with one of my best friends about so many things going on in my head and in my life, I was able to skype with the love of my life and just talk about the big things, the little things, the important things, the everyday things, I was able to take a night hike to the radio tower and just fall in love with the star-filled sky. I was able to feel the love of my friends, the love of my family, the love of God in a whole new way.
That is what agape is all about... loving unconditionally... loving fully... loving as if our lives depended on it.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, Search 68. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Entire Search Family. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Scranton. You are in my thoughts and prayers, World.
Agape Always.
"Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel."
- James Taylor
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