This past week
was a long, rough one with certain undesirable issues arising at school. I will not get into details, but one of our
freshman withdrew last week and it felt like a little piece of my heart broke
off with her. Our freshman family just
does not feel the same without her. It
hurts… really, really hurts.
But from this hurt—from this indescribable
void - I am learning that life is not
worth living if your heart is not breaking.
Although the pain seems unbearable during that splitting moment, it
reminds you that you are human. And in
order for your heart to break… you need to have loved… and if you take the risk
of loving – then your heart is inevitably going to be broken – but that
shattered heart reveals just how powerful that love can be.
To love means
that your heart is going to be broken.
Keep loving. Keep breaking.
“The good you do today, will often be
forgotten. Do good anyway.”
On Thursday, the TPK headed to the
JesuitCommunity for our second
round of Thanksgiving dinner. There
ended up being 11 of us total and we had quite the traditional feast. I managed to whip up a pumpkin pie with a crust
that I had to make from scratch and my mother somehow managed to mail over a
batch of her famous Chocolate Turkeys which we devoured. It was a great way to spend the holiday with
good friends and good food.
While
at dinner on Thursday, our new friend, Norman, invited me to come visit his
house down South and to get a tour of a side of the island that I had not yet
seen. Norman spends half of his year in
Yap and the other half in Rhode Island.
He originally worked in Chuuk as a Peace Corps volunteer and has been in
Micronesia for a number of years. I
decided to term my visit to the south as a “Man-Date” because since my
graduation from Scranton – my life has been considerably lacking in
bro-time. Now – Norman is probably
around 20-30 years older than I am, but bro-time is bro-time.
So
– I spent my Saturday with Norman exploring the South. He lives in Kanifay, which is a very private,
very quiet part of Yap. Whenever you go
anywhere outside of your village, you need to ask permission and usually be
accompanied by someone from the village you are visiting. Norman was my guide as we walked through one
of the largest stone money banks in Yap which he had helped to restore. It is incredible to think how these HUGE
pieces of stone were carved into circles with large holes in the middle, then
transported of miles across open ocean in just simple canoes, and then somehow
dragged to the middle of the island.
These things easily weigh multiple tons… the largest of which was about
a foot taller than me. We then explored
the jungle finding the ruins of stone platforms that traditional houses used to
be built on. There were remnants of
houses, clay pots, medicine bottles, everything. It was an absolutely breathtaking and
humbling experience.
After
our exploration, we headed to the small church down south, St. Francis. I was quickly greeted by a couple of my
students. One of which told me he had to
go get changed because he was altar serving.
He came out in his traditional thu and I told him he is going to have to
help teach me how to wear mine.
Seriously – these things look so practical for this heat – can’t
wait. Anyway – Fr. John (the Micronesian
Provincial) said the mass and at the end introduced me to anyone who had not
met me yet. The deacon even gave me his
nu-nu to wear around my neck. Fr. John
explained to me on the car ride home that the reason he re-introduced me is
because before mass started, the girls were all gossiping about how old I was
because they were curious about the cute
tall white boy. They had come to the
conclusion that I was 16.. so he felt the need to set them straight. All I will say is that if I still look 16 by
the time I get back to the States, I cannot wait to use my sweet Yap Driver’s
License when I get ID’ed.
On
Yap – Thanksgiving is not celebrated as a major holiday … for obvious reasons.If you hesitated for a second on figuring
that one out – in all sincerity, Good for you!Thanksgiving may have its roots in those beginning days of settlement in
America – but the true meaning of the day has become something much more
pure.When you celebrate Thanksgiving
Yap Style, you are basking in that simple gratitude, that indescribable
appreciation, that true feeling of friendship and fidelity among family.
Thanksgiving
is truly about being with family. I mean
– look at how we celebrate – we gather together with unending amounts of food,
gather around cramped tables that have been squeezed wherever we can fit them –
just to simply share a meal together – to simply be with each other. That is how we spent our Yap Thanksgiving. One of the older ex-pats, Tim, and his phenomenal
wife, Lucy, have been on Yap for a number of years. Lucy is Yapese and Tim is American. They raised their kids in the United States,
and then returned to Yap – to the family they loved and missed. One thing they missed about the states though
is the celebration of coming together as a family for Thanksgiving. Tim realized that all of the ex-pats on the
island are away from their families and loved ones back home – so every year –
they host a Yap-style Thanksgiving dinner for all of those who are so far from
home. They invite their Yap family.
The
Taro Patch Kids were commissioned with the task of roasting the second turkey –
which of course none of us had fully done before. And to make it even better- we went for the
biggest bird in the store (YCA gets a whole bunch of frozen turkeys sent in for
this season) – weighing in at almost 28 pounds.
We were up at 5:45 AM getting our lovely turkey (who was named Taylor –
gender neutral – or T-bird for short) prepped for the big day. The feeling in our house was electric… it
felt like a true holiday. We were all so
excited to get “dressed up” and to bring our turkey and just to spend time with
our incredible Yap family.
The
day was perfect. T-bird came out
splendid after 6 hours of roasting. Lucy
made an amazing gravy from the juices we used for basting. There was corn hole, and guitars, and betelnut,
and cooking, and laughter. It was a true
family holiday.
At
the end of the night, I walked over to the sink and started doing dishes without
even thinking about it. Lucy and her
many sisters (many. Many. Many. Sisters) began yelling at me to stop and that I
should be outside enjoying myself. I
turned around and smiled and told them that I was fully enjoying myself just
washing the dishes – it is something that I always liked to do after my family’s
Thanksgiving feasts – and to be doing it here made me feel at home. They laughed and told me I could “feel at
home” whenever I wanted if I ever felt like cleaning more.
I
ended the evening sitting inside with Lucy and a few of her sisters. We just sat and talked for an hour or so
about Yap, and about my life in the United States. We talked about school and our hopes for the
students and our hopes for all of Yap.
We talked about my family and friends back home, we talked about Keri,
we talked about just about everything.
It was perfect. As I was
preparing to leave, one of Lucy’s sisters, Monica, looked me right in the eye
and told me – we are a big family, and we are here to help each other – we may
not have much, but we want to help you in any way that we can. I held back the few tears and told them that
their kindness, their friendship, their welcoming into their family was all I
could ever ask for.
I may not be with my true family, and
all of my friends back in the States – but at least I can say that for this
Thanksgiving, I was home for the holidays.
Our 28 pound baby
T-bird roasting slowly
Proud parent
The aftermath
“You can go other places, all right - you can
live on the other side of the world,
Yap
takes great pride in preserving its traditional heritage and culture while
adapting alongside the modern age.Very
few places in the world have been able to maintain this fragile balance between
tradition and modernization. The people
of Yap still follow and respect many of the customs of their ancestors and
despite bringing in modern technology and improvements, they have still managed
to ensure that their beautiful culture remains pure.One important aspect of this preservation is
the annual Yap Canoe Festival.
The
festival lasts three days and is focused around the traditional navigational
skills of the Yapese people. There are
canoe carving demonstrations, paddling races between villages, swimming races
for the children, sailing canoe rides and demos, lots and lots of local all
food, music, and more. Canoe Festival is
one of the largest events and celebrations of the year – and while in
comparison to the United States it may resemble a church fair or bizarre – it was
an absolutely wonderful weekend full of fun, feasting, and friends.
One
highlight of my weekend was being able to experience my first traditional
dances. The two that I witnessed were
done by all men and I had no idea what to anticipate. My friend, Martin, led the first dancers in
holding up a piece of shell money, which in accordance with tradition, must be
presented to the village that is hosting the dance. Once the shell money has been exchanged, the
men form a straight line all wearing their traditional attire – which consists
of nu-nus (leis made of flowers and leaves that can be worn on the head as a
crown or around the neck), thus (the loin-cloth type garment), hibiscus
(wrapped around the waste and thighs), and a covering of some type of yellow
oil that I cannot remember the exact name.
The men also ranged in age from probably 5-70. The older, more experienced men stood in the
middle of the line, and the youngest stood on the outside.
Then
the dance would begin. Clapping,
chanting, yelling, thigh slapping, very controlled movements of the hands and
arms, and then slowly adding in leg movements.
The dances tell a story – they have been passed down for generations to
preserve the stories of their ancestors.
You could see in the men’s eyes how proud they were to be performing
this beautiful dance – how passionate they were about this great honor. The dance sped up faster and faster as it
proceeded until there was a whirl of pelvic thrusts and slapping (in most
dances there is always some sexual aspect to the story apparently – or so it
would seem). And then with one final
yell and bicep double slap, the dance was complete. Everyone went wild for these dancers – it was
one of the most AWESOME (no other word could possibly describe it) experiences
I have had on Yap.
The
second dance I was able to see ended up being perfectly timed with a typical
Yap downpour, so after chilling in the traditional Community House for almost
an hour, we all ran through the rain to the big pavilion type Community Center
to watch the men’s dance. Martin was
performing in this one as well as a few other guys I know, including one who I
play volleyball with. It was
mesmerizing. So controlled – so in sync –
so passionate – so rhythmic. Simply
amazing.
Today
– we decided to take a day off from the festival and went for some unbelievable
dives. I will keep it short and simple
(I will post more dive stories soon) – I was a foot away from GIANT manta rays…
I saw a bizarre lion fish… a small black fish decided to go wild protecting its reef and was biting at
my hair… I looked down into the endless depths of the ocean in crystal clear
blue water … I swam with many, many reef sharks today – like with them with
them.
Yap
still continues to surprise me and amaze me each and every day.
After four
months on Yap, it has finally happened.
My body finally gave in to the relentless swarm of unknown pathogens and
viruses that swirl around me in this tropical environment that between a
mixture of high humidity and intense heat creates a perfect breeding ground for
all of the organisms I experienced in Microbiology… except this time, they
decided to infest my body rather than stay nice and calm, cool, and collected
in the petri dish under the microscope.
Unfortunately, I could not simply sterilize my body like my inoculation
loop (that was the super fancy word we used that meant putting a metal wire
bent into a circle into a Bunsen burner flame to clean it.. in other words:
burning all of the bad germs to death)… so I made my first daring adventure to
the …..(dramatic pause) ….. Yap State Memorial Hospital.
Now, I had
heard some horror stories about the hospital here on Yap… the type of stories
that you tell around a camp fire when you are 10 years old and even though they
are utterly ridiculous, you still end up squeezing 8 people into a 2-person
tent and you refuse to go to the bathroom in the woods by yourself. These terrifying stories of the apparent
torture that occurs at the hospital had me keep my distance through a few
painful episodes. I have now made it
through two nights that had me waking up in a cold sweat with unbearable stomach
cramps that allows me to spend the rest of the evening getting incredibly well
acquainted with the bowl of our toilet – we had some pleasant “conversations”
from both ends. Yes, I just said what
you think I said… it is my blog… it was my odd food poisoning or some other
bizarre stomach bug, and I choose to present it here.
Anyway, back
to my main story… I despise having to go to the hospital, some innate superhero-complex
that I can fight whatever it is inside me and I don’t need any help (once led
me to crawling around on the floor of my office at Camp Minsi with a 103 degree
fever during staff week because I refused to stop working and get checked out…
thanks Bubba for carrying me to emergency room for my meds J). But, alas, I was discovering that the
multiple slashes, gashes, scrapes and bruises I had accumulated on my legs from
volleyball and casual machete-ing (I need to find out the gerund form of
machete.. or invent it) were beginning to turn an odd whitish-red color and
smelled that oh so indescribable smell that can only mean one thing:
infection. I sucked up my pride and went
to the hospital where I made the initial conclusion that it was not nearly as
dirty or terrifying as the stories had made it seem. I checked in, waited about 30 minutes to
process my new patient paperwork – which by the way includes no insurance
whatsoever… here on Yap, all medical expenses other than prescriptions are
covered by the government. The very kind
nurse, Noah, took me in to see the doctor, who told me that infections are
incredibly common in this type of environment and that they had plenty of the
medication I would need in stock. She
filled out my prescription, I asked if they could give my wounds a thorough
cleaning, which Noah did so perfectly.
This also allowed me the time to learn oodles of information about the
Yap medical care system and where the doctor and nurse got their education and
training.
I left the
hospital singing to myself after picking up my meds for the low cost of
$7. It turned out to be a fantastic
adventure as I met a few wonderful new people on Yap as well as saved my legs
from the villain that took the form of some staphylococcal bacteria.
Tune in next time as Yapman will live to
fight another day. Same Yap time. Same Yap channel.
Yap State Memorial Hospital
My Meds and some free gauze rolls (Oh... I may have forgotten to mention my hospital name is now "Micheal" , minor detail)
Not so graphic picture of a couple of my machete cuts post cleaning/ antibiotic
“Live in the moment. Live for the moment. This is the moment.” -Unknown
Back in Scranton, the Search retreat is taking place at Chapman Lake. This entire week, I struggled with being away from the unbelievable support system of hugs, laughter, and tears that always come with this weekend. Search brought me together with some of my best friends... life long friends that I could not imagine my life without. As Andrew Kelly and I put it: we will be at each other's weddings. A large portion of my greatest friendships, memories, and challenges came through retreats at Chapman Lake. From FIRST, to Search and so many others - I would not be where I am today... I would not be who I am today without those indescribable weekends at the lake house.
Search weekends have always been a source of rejuvenation for me. They remind me to remember what is truly important in life. They remind me to not just talk about changing the world, but to fully live each day making a difference, making people smile, living the way we were meant to live. Loving the way we were meant to love.
Sometimes, when the Search retreatants return to campus, they are so enveloped in the powerful emotions and connections of the weekend that those who did not go on the retreat develop a negative feeling towards the retreat, seeing it as "cultish" or cliquey. Unfortunately, this is a side effect of having a spiritually ground breaking weekend and experiencing whirlwind of emotions and transformation with others - there will be an inevitable bond that you will want to just embrace... and then you will literally want to run around embracing everyone who you shared the experience with and sing your songs, and do your secret high fives, and laugh and be joyous and merry. But one thing I have always focused on during Search weekend was to make sure that the love, the support, the results of the retreat were being spread to everyone. Search is not about becoming best friends with the 50 people at the lake house that weekend, yes, it may happen, but that is not the main result. The true meaning, the undying truth, the undeniable secret of Search is that we are loved... all of us. And we are called to bask in that love, to realize just how special we are... and then we begin to recognize just how much we love everyone else in our lives - we see how special they are... we genuinely appreciate their presence in our lives. We learn to love like Jesus... to love like there are no limits... to give pure, beautiful, passionate agape.
At first, I felt like I was going to dread this weekend. I would become one of the outsiders looking in at this Search clique that was having the time of their lives together and I wasn't invited. Then I realized just how ridiculous this feeling of jealousy was... I had forgotten the true meaning of Search. I had forgotten that it was not about the physical presence of being there... it is about the love... it is about that indescribable, uncontrollable, unbelievable sense of appreciation for the goodness in each and every person. No, I may not be there to hug, to cry, to sing, to dance, to talk, to celebrate, to do any other bizarre things that may occur this weekend in or out of the retreat.... but these are just results of agape... results of God's friendship in my life. I now have new, unique results of agape in my life here on Yap - I have been able to write a whole slew of letters to my family at the Community Outreach Office, I was able to have some fantastic talks with my siblings, I was able to have a bro chat with one of my best friends about so many things going on in my head and in my life, I was able to skype with the love of my life and just talk about the big things, the little things, the important things, the everyday things, I was able to take a night hike to the radio tower and just fall in love with the star-filled sky. I was able to feel the love of my friends, the love of my family, the love of God in a whole new way.
That is what agape is all about... loving unconditionally... loving fully... loving as if our lives depended on it.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, Search 68. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Entire Search Family. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Scranton. You are in my thoughts and prayers, World.
Agape Always.
"Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel."
The past couple of weeks seemed to have flown by with an overwhelming slew of emotions and contemplations. The second quarter has kicked off swimmingly as I have started to mix up my teaching strategies in order to liven things up not just for the students but for me as well. In Geometry, I have found great pride in the small victories - as we grappled through proofs, there were about 20 urgggggggghghghghhghg moments to every 1 AHA! moment, but those AHA!'s made every frustrating challenge completely worthwhile. My freshmen religion class just finished Part I of their Parable projects, where each group acted out a parable from the Gospels - they absolutely blew me away with how creative, hilarious, and comprehensive they were. I cannot wait for Part II of the project where they will adapt their parables to modern day stories about their lives on Yap (Thanks, Cathy!). In Chemistry, we are learning about the quantum mechanic model of the atomic structure and the juniors are dominating it as we head into electron configurations. Who knew balloons could be so fun, practical, and educational all at once when teaching about sublevels and orbitals?! My juniors are working so hard to understand these complicated concepts and I could not be more proud.
My volleyball season on the Maap team came to an end on Halloween. I played for the "Little Boys" team consisting of everyone under 25. My teammates spoke rapid fire Yapese and a few are students at the public high school. It was fantastic not just to get to play some competitve volleyball (despite my body losing about 3 quarts of water in sweat each game due to the humidity causing my hands to become incapable of setting a ball), but also to get to meet so many incredible people. I became a self-proclaimed expert at riding the bus to Gagil - which is actually quite a challenge since it seems that every day the bus number changes and the "5:00 PM Bus" could show up anywhere between 4:35 and 5:10 PM. Everyone I was able to interact with through this experience was absolutely straight up Jesus. My one friend, Marbey, even has offered to take me spearfishing one weekend.
Finally, today I officially became a certified open water scuba diver. Caitlin, Rosemary, and I have been taking the course for the past 3 weeks with the epitome of perfection instructor, Jan. We did a few days of pool exercises with the equipment and now have gone on four dives in the ocean. The whole experience is so surreal. At one point when I was 40 feet underwater I just looked up and watched my air bubbles slowly rise to the surface where I could just barely make out the sun through the turbulent surface. The coral reef here is breath taking and I have seen more fish than I could possibly describe, touched an octopus, saw a shark (more a shadow because it was so far away), was about 15 feet away from a whole school of barracuda, and about 928 other unbelievable things. It is like seeing a completely different world that takes up a majority of the life on Earth. Indescribable.
A View of Yap from the Diving Boat
My Freshmen on Parable Day
Headed to the Dive Site
"Sometimes the little things in life are the big things."
