This is it. The
final countdown until I return home begins today. 1 month.
31 days. 744 hours. 44,640 minutes. 2,678,400 seconds. I can hardly remember what life was like back
in May 2012. I would have been preparing
myself for the heartbreak of leaving Scranton.
I would have been spending nights surround by best friends waiting for
the sunrise. I would have been singing
Celine Dion’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me” and drum pounding to F.U.N.’s “We
Are Young.” I would have been saying my teary goodbyes. I would have been wondering what the heck was
waiting for me here on Yap.
Now it
seems I am in the same boat once again – preparing to leave the place that I
have called home for the past two years. The only major difference is that now
I am singing Spawnbreezy’s “Don’t Let Go” (youtube it – you will thank me) and
spending my evenings talking softly with Yap friends and family as we slowly
chew our betelnut or drink our tuba. It is
incredible how much things are able to change in such a short time. I do not think I am ready to leave this place
– but I don’t think I will ever be ready.
Friends are here. Family is
here. Hope is here. Love is here.
But I
know that when my heart breaks – that as I have to let go of this love,
allowing it to change and to grow – all of that love is going to pour forth and
make room for more love. That is the
most beautiful thing about God’s blessing that is a broken heart – it reminds
us about what it means to be human – to be able to love so deeply. And while it may hurt, it may bring tears, it
may seem like the end of the world – I know that I will fall in love all over
again and again.
I love you,
Yap. Gu ba’adagem Waab.
“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson
